Mermaids

I bet, in reality, that mermaids/men are really kind of gnarly-looking. Big gnashing shark-like teeth, slimy scales, giant unblinking googly eyes that are placed as far away from each other as it can possibly go. Mer-people are first and foremost scavengers of the sea and survival is top priority. When you spend all your time dodging dangerous creatures and trying to eat and not get eaten, you need to look as menacing as possible. Our storybook mermaids have been sanitized for our protection, and so I feel I must do the same here with this set.

After four tries in getting the fish tail to look exactly right, I found the answer at the bottom of my cosmetics bag: Body glitter! (The big one has a ring I desperately want—a pink octopus!)

It’s been a while since I painted some fish so of course I had to have a go at it with this set.

I don’t think I’m the only one who feels this way about mermaids. My mother once brought me these comic books from Japan which depicted the life of mermaids. It was quite possibly the most violent and bloodiest thing I have ever read in my life (“Mermaid’s Tears,” I believe it’s called)—and I’ve read “American Psycho.” Twice.

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In the Court of the King

These humongous sets tend to have an air of austerity about them, which gave me no choice but to paint the king and his court. I was not able to find a proper crown to go with the king’s ensemble in any of the miniature shops so I was reduced to creating one myself—Burger King style (or Hungry Jack, as they call them here in Queensland).

This was a troublesome set to paint from the word go, since metallic paints are not very easy to work with, but I persevered, cursed a lot, and kept my sanity by watching movies and Kendra in-between. (I love Kendra Wilkinson because she’s the living testament of someone who can sail through life with a horsey laugh, a pair of silicone boobs and a prayer.)

Here you get a better look at the queen.

This set also called for some experimentation, as I want the queen’s ruff to be translucent. It worked out all right. What do you think?

Sugar n' Spice

Every now and then I will really miss my pink yet utilitarian bedroom in New York. It’s been my cocoon, my womb, from the world for a few years. I don’t really need to ensconce myself inside a pink universe anymore, since the Gold Coast sunshine does more than enough for me. But I still miss it sometimes.

After living in a cramped studio apartment for four years straight in the East Village where everything I owned had to be stacked up in my bookcases so I could physically maneuver my way around (you can bet I prayed each night before bed there wouldn’t be an earthquake), I felt more secure sleeping with my head up against objects with blunt edges.

So it was with a slight homesick heart that I painted “Sugar and Spice,” a deviation from the darker themes of late. I just find the color pink so comforting.

Kiss the Cook

Anthony and I can very well be the only people in Australia without a barbecue grill. I am campaigning for a George Foreman grill, however. Hey, if we can’t have the real thing, we might as well go for a counter-top equivalent with minimal clean-up!

The mom bearing potato salad is a character I modeled after the one portrayed by Bruce McCullogh from Kids in the Hall—the most brilliant sketch comedy show ever to be shown on TV. The stain on the boy’s shirt is modeled after the ones I inevitably acquire at every wedding I’ve ever been to.

Night at the Opera

Call me a philistine, but I have not been able to sit through an entire opera without nodding off or smirking. I just can’t seem to believe that the romantic leads—whose combined weight often tallies up to around a quarter of a ton—to be madly in love with each other when all they do is standing around and singing before waddling off somewhere to die.

Perhaps the lavish sets and the sumptuous costumes are meant to distract the audience’s attention from the singer’s immobility and mass.

Opera is best when blaring out of the privacy of one’s home and the staging and singers’ physiques are left to one’s imagination.

(Left to right: Escamillo from “Carmen,” Brünnhilde from “Die Walküre,” and Canio from “Pagliacci.”)

Anarchy Now!

One of my favorite TV programs to watch whilst in college was The Young Ones—a brilliant show from the 80’s featuring four colorfully diverse college students, puppets, top English bands at the time, and poor production value.

The two of the more interesting characters in the show were, of course, Viv and Rik (sorry, Neil and Mike!), the punk med student and the pimply anarchist poet. Without them as inspiration, it would have been a lot harder to paint this set.

Now that it’s done, I think I’ll treat myself to a Young Ones marathon!

On the Good Ship Grotty Plonk

It’s rare that I draw or paint something twice, but I adore Captain Angus McMudd and his jolly crew of sea dogs aboard the Good Ship Grotty Plonk so much that I had to do a set of dolls dedicated to them.

Clockwise from top: Captain McMudd and his pet squid Billy, First Mate Percy, Navigator Ned, Treasure Hunter Hans, and Deckhand Jones, who’s missing both an arm and a leg so he’s not very much good at sweeping the decks.

1. 2.

3.

1. This was the first-ever painting of the captain…(he usually forgets which eye to wear the patch on).

2. The evil Piranha King, who’s abducted Captain McMudd’s sweetheart, Minnow Barnacles, the sole heir to the All-You-Can-Eat Clam Bar restaurant chain.

3. Captain McMudd and his crew sail the seven seas on Grotty Plonk.

Happy Birthday!

I am so fortunate to live in a country where it contains the cutest animals ever to exist. Koalas, kangaroos, wombats…just to name a few. Apparently you can obtain a special license to care for these critters…something I must look into since these poor babies have a tendency to get hit by cars.

These marsupials are for a baby on the other side of the world. Betcha he’ll be the only one in his class to know what a wombat is!

It's Rap O' Clock

Today’s journey takes us to da’ hood where we meet a few homeboys of mine:

(Left to right) Quarta’ Pounda, who has in his possession the coveted pimp cup to compensate for the fact that his rap album hasn’t sold well enough for him to get a full set of platinum grillz. His Rap name reflects the fact that he is a quarter British. Then there’s Wood Stockyy Stockk, showing off his mouthful of bling and his diamond studded eye patch. He didn’t lose an eye due to a recent dispute with rival rapper Charles Brownee Brown as his publicist claimed, but is really secretly correcting his Amblyopia, an affliction that he ignored until his fans started calling him Crazy Eyes, which, in his publicist’s opinion, won’t help him sell records. Last but not least there’s Time Pieze, who, despite the solid gold grandfather clock medallion and the 4 Rolex watches he sports, is never on time for a single appointment, concert, and interview. This is largely due to the fact that he doesn’t know how to change the batteries in any of his time pieces after it’s drained dry. He prefers his platinum 3-D glasses more than his prescription ones because, and I quote: “I likes to see them world fo’ real.”

Lil' Red

It can’t be helped, since I have in mind another set I desperately want to paint first, but here it is: Lil’ Red Riding Hood, yet another fairy tale trio.

The original tale of the Little Red Riding Hood, along with the variations, is not the least bit suitable for young and impressionable minds. The version we are familiar with have been Disneyfied. The original variations has subtexts which include child prostitution, cannibalism (Red is forced to eat granny in one version), kidnapping, and other things that make episodes of Law and Order: SVU look tame.

I choose to go with the G-Rated version of the story.

Red has a brooch of a hedgehog on her collar. There’s also one peeking out of the basket. Along with a bottle of wine. Relax, the wine’s for granny, who is armed with a rolling pin.

I want the quilt that the wolf is hiding under to be a reflection of all the things Red saw on her journey to granny’s.

This set was inspired by the Little Red painting I did last year. I am STILL crazy about that background paper.