Let Them Eat Cake

It’s really quite unfortunate that I can’t buy unpainted matryoshka dolls off a shop like Spotlight or Bunnings. Instead, I have to scour the internet for suitable vendors who are willing to ship them to Oz for a reasonable price. The problem with sending timber to Oz is that sometimes it’s subjected to almost an obsessive screening process in quarantine and thus delay the shipping process. I always say, it only takes one idiot to ruin things for everyone (I’m talking about you, Thomas Austin, you and your Acclimatisation Society and subsequent rabbit infestation).

But these giant sets of fives came just in time for me to create Marie Antoinette and her ladies and utter those famous words:

“Let them eat cake!”

Dangerous Cuisine

When you think about it, sushi is perhaps the most dangerous food there is. Deep sea diving is required for one thing, and you may just have to do some wrestling and harpooning of some underwater creatures. Then you need to mess around with sharp implements to make sure the thing you caught is killed with one swift Zen stroke. Next you have to fillet off all the pointy things and poisonous things and take out an insurance so you’ll be protected if people happen to die during your shift.  After all of that, you have to convince people that they want to pay top dollars for stuff that look and probably tastes like mucus. Not an easy business, selling sushi.

Here we have Fugu, Unagi, and Tako.

The Gingerbread House

This is the most unusual set of dolls I’ve yet to paint, as the first one is actually a mushroom! I’ve had this set in my possession for months before an idea hits me, quite unfortunately, right before bedtime. There goes the night’s sleep—and the rest of the weekend. A sore back, a neglected Anthony, and three days later, it’s finally finished.

As far as I’m concerned, the tale of Hansel and Gretel has it all: Cruel parents, child labor, binge eating, cannibalism…who can ask for anything more?

I always find the illustration of the witch in most “Hansel and Gretel” unrealistic. If you’re going to lure children into your candy-coated house, its interior ordinary in every way and perhaps even dusty, you’re going to want to look like a walking treat yourself, not some nasty old hag whose very appearance promises an unhappily ever after.

I want my witch to look like she’s been dipped in chocolate and decorated with mouth-watering candies.

I forgo the usual reindeer and snowflakes motif in favor of Viking helmets on Hansel’s Fair Isle sweater and cupcakes on Gretel’s.

Like most of the sets I’ve painted, this one was a trial and a delight to paint. I’m glad it’s finished and my muse is momentarily pacified, giving me a day off to leave the house and see a movie.

Dinotopia

Back when I was teaching art, there would always be some boys who’d obsessively churn out one dinosaur after another, no matter what the assignment is.

“But little Joey,” I’d say to the first-grade boy who was so mindful of coloring in his dinosaur orange that his running nose was dripping onto my table, “we’re supposed to be creating a science-based collage that interprets the lines and colors which influenced neo-impressionists’ characterization of the doggie.”

“I draw dinosaur!” would be his terse reply.

I knew from my own personal experience that if something needs to be drawn, nothing, not even a teacher hell-bent on stressing the importance of neo-impressionism could stop it.

This set is dedicated to the dino boys everywhere.

…and their poor parents who no doubt spent thousands of dollars on dinosaur paraphernalia from ages 2-15.

I couldn’t have found a better paper to make a box for this set!

Dim Sum Dolls

My friend Lara and I always made a point to meet up at a dim sum joint in Chinatown every now and then. We always over-order and we always went home with doggie bags. I can’t think of a better way to have one’s food brought to you.

Some closeups…

Ears Ears Ears

I’ve been wanting to do something with ears for a while now but was a bit worried about how to go about it. Wires require drilling into these tiny and delicate wooden dolls and papier mache would require more time spent. The best way to go, I find, is some tacky glue and felt. Don’t tell me I didn’t retain anything from my art ed. classes!

The Holiday Trio (the little one is in fact a bat, not a cat).

I don’t think I have ever once dressed like my bulldog, Bo. But we do oink excessively when we get excited about, say, a piece of cake.

I Want to be a Part of it…

Needless to say, this is my homage to the Big Apple.

See you soon, NYC!

Come Look at the Freaks

Years ago, while I was doing research for a project featuring circus freaks, I stumbled across the Hilton sisters—not Paris and Nicky, mind you—but Violet and Daisy, who were joined at the hips (literally) and have carved out a decent career for themselves both in the circus, on stage and screen. Their story was further exploited in a Broadway musical entitled “Sideshow,” which I’m sure was a devil to stage. The opening number was about a day-and-a-half long and featured the ugliest cast in the world—and I’m sure it’s not because they’re made up to look like carnies. Needless to say, that musical became the dominant subject of my ridicule for years to come. How could it not? It had songs like “We Do Everything Together,” and “I Will Never Leave You.” If you and your sibling share a few major organs, it’s pretty much a given, wouldn’t you say?

In reality though, I admire people with deformities who made it work in their favor. What horror must they go through in their daily lives before they found the warm embrace of their carny family. Who’s to say Lizard Boy and Wolf Girl can’t be effective members of society? I imagine they would add some color to an otherwise drab and dreary work environment. My admiration for them deepened after reading “Geek Love” by Katherine Dunn. It’s not easy being green, that’s for damn sure.

And so, this is my homage to the brave souls who occupies center stage in the Odditorium of Life.

Left to right: Marla and Karla the Singing Sisters, Mr. Quills the Barker, Mel Ott—Smallest Man on Earth, Atlas Steele the Strongman, and Lucinda the Bearded Lady.

This Masquerade

I’ve never been to a masquerade, and have no desire to. Can you imagine walking around all night holding that darn thing to your face? It’ll certainly interfere with my drinking.

The Fighting Cholitas

It’s only logical to follow up “The Lucha Libre” with a set of “Fighting Cholitas,” a group of female luchadores who perform in El Alto, Bolivia. I know almost nothing about Bolivia except the Andes are located there, overweight tourists often require to travel through the lands with a tank of oxygen, and in the late 19th century, an increase in the world price of silver brought Bolivia some prosperity and political stability (don’t tell me I didn’t retain anything from Global Studies).

It’s people like me who benefits the most from watching The Amazing Race. I can’t physically sit through documentary shows due to short attention span in anything educational, yet I need to feed my brain with all sorts of cultural references so I can be somewhat effective at small gatherings of people. The Amazing Race gives you a little taste of different cultures as its contestants tears through the world, covered in a sheen of filth and berate their partners. Last season’s Amazing Race showcased an episode wherein the contestants are required to travel to Bolivia, learn six wrestling moves used in a match, and subsequently go into the ring with the Cholitas—all of whom are gaily dressed in multi-layered skirts and bowler hats. Very kitchy. Needless to say I’ve filed that away in the cobwebbed corners of my mind, and so here they are!

The Cholitas wouldn’t look very authentic if I haven’t incorporated the traditional bowler hat. Thank goodness for ebay!