This Thanksgiving I’m thankful I don’t have any personal friends who are turkeys. I’m thankful that I don’t own a gorilla. I’m thankful I’m not allergic to tissues. I’m thankful that air is translucent. I’m thankful I don’t have any children. I’m thankful I have only two nostrils. I’m thankful that “3” comes after “2”. I’m thankful for the freezing temperature of metal. I’m thankful I don’t need to speak fluent Russian to operate my TV. I’m thankful I wasn’t born with my lungs on the outside of my body. I’m thankful zippers go in two directions. I’m thankful when I jump I don’t just keep going up higher and higher. I’m thankful women don’t look like men. I’m thankful dogs are sold fully assembled. I’m thankful I don’t have nerve endings in my hair. I’m thankful aliens eventually return their abductees. But most of all, I’m thankful I’m where I’m at and that I hope those of you who celebrate Thanksgiving have already or are having a great day too.

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